Early Monday morning Sewanhaka Principal John Kenny was observed by students awkwardly sliding out of his car in the administrator parking lot. Intrigued by his jarring motions, the students followed him as he awkwardly shambled through the halls, taking uneven steps, frequently stopping to adjust the length of his overcoat.
The students, captivated by the uneven rhythm of the man they thought of as a pillar of strength, carefully followed him into the main office, unnoticed. They snuck behind the door in his office, and waited there, with Mr. Kenny none-the-wiser.
What the students saw unfold in that room was a sight to behold. They couldn’t believe their eyes when the principal of Sewanhaka removed his trenchcoat to reveal that he was actually just a child sitting on another child’s shoulders. The children, estimated to be somewhere between the ages of 8 and 10, carefully changed into a single Sewanhaka hoodie and dress pants. The hoodie, the spying students noted, had a few deliberately torn holes inside the inner pocket, presumably to provide a consistent air supply for the lower student, as well as for navigational purposes. It was then that the Mister’s Kenny took a deep breath, looked in the mirror, and said to themselves in unison, “I can’t believe another day at Sewanhaka and no one has noticed that we’re just two children in a trenchcoat.”
Later in the day, after the students stealthily crept out of his office, the intrepid reporters decided to investigate further, to see if anyone else suspected that Mr. Kenny was in fact two children. When they asked his secretary, Ms. Colameo, if she had noticed anything suspicious or strange about the principal while working with him this year, she mentioned that he had a strong affinity for sweets, and would often tell her that things were “tuff” in a complimentary way. It was then that the children poked their head out of the office and asked Ms. Colameo what period their meeting was. She told him it was scheduled for Periods 6 and 7, to which the children both replied, “Six-seven!”
Mister’s Kenny was last seen walking through the halls giving dap and speaking with frequent profanity.
